Tuesday, October 17, 2006

NEWTON JAKE FORD GOES WILD???

FANS WANT NEWTON JAKE TO RETURN TO PRO WRESTLING?I cannot independently confirm if the following story is true, but I have seen several confirmations from people that it did happen.

The Peskyfly has the full details of the Congressional debate at:

I don't really know Newton Jake. I've only seen him a few times in my life, so I couldn't tell you much about him except that he appears to enjoy violence. The last time the Ninja saw Newton Jake earlier this year, he threatened to whoop four (4) different people in a public place within a 30-minute span. Whether Newton Jake was joking, I do not know. Nevertheless, I hear so many hearsay stories about the guy, I feel as if I know him like other blog celebrities (see also Lindsey Lohan, K.Fed, Paris Hilton, Bobby Brown and Sienna Miller).

If what the Peskyfly said above is indeed true, then I have one request for young Newton Jake. Please get out of the race!

While I enjoy your daily antics, you are doing a terrible disservice to your family, your brother HFJ, your community and yourself. If you lose, do you think anyone in Memphis will ever hire you for a job after this piss-poor performance and lack of qualifications? Your papa will not be able maintain your monthly allowance forever, especially if your actions end up costing Harold, Sr. both seats. In fact, you might have to actually start working at the funeral home where you claim to work.

If you applied for a job this afternoon using a non-Ford name while stating your real qualifications, you definitely would not be called in for an interview. However, someone is blowing smoke (no pun intended) up your cornholio for an anticipated victory on November 7. While I may be wrong (and if I am, I'll eat humble pie), I believe that NASA will put a man on the sun long before you'll be elected to Congress.

Please call up Jerry Lawler and resume your pro wrestling career. While your last rasslin' career was limited to Memphis Wrestling, you could be ready for the big stage. Is Raw scheduled for a Memphis stop before the November 7 election? On last night's WWE Monday Night Raw, John Cena did a finishing move (the F-U) on Kevin Federline on national TV in Los Angeles (see picture above). The crowd loved it and K.Fed was a good sport, because he knew the crowd was going to boo him.

I am quite sure Vince McMahon would get huge ratings if Newton Jake agreed to let Lawler piledrive him on the announcer's table at the Fed Ex Forum.

I can hear Jim Ross commentating it right now, "Dammit King, he's just a kid. This guy's not a wrestler. He's allegedly a Congressional candidate. You can't do this. This isn't right...Not on the table. No! No! My god! King is whooping Jake like a government mule at the Oklahoma U homecoming."

The Memphis crowd would love it! There would be "Fucktard" signs throughout the arena. Newton Jake would be the #1 heel in rasslin'. I know I would watch it with my enhanced ninja goggles.

But seriously, fans of the Space Ninja blog have noticed my criticisms of Congressman Harold Ford, Jr. from time to time. However, I truly feel for HFJ in this situation. HFJ is a man who is caught in the middle, because everyone wants him to do the right thing and endorse the Democratic nominee Sen. Cohen for the 9th District over his unqualified brother. I bet that HFJ is just hoping and praying that his campaign is strong enough to withstand the negativity and loss of votes that Newton Jake's actions will likely cause. If HFJ loses in a close race, then there will be people (myself included) who will blame Newton Jake for HFJ's loss.

Considering the past between these brothers, is it possible that Newton Jake wants HFJ to lose?

On November 7, we'll find out! Stay tuned.

10 comments:

Brad Watkins said...

Well...Memphis Politics is alot like professional wrestling...maybe he should give it a go.

Space Ninja said...

If Newton Jake was a regular character on WWE Raw, then I know I would be watching it every week. It fits him perfectly...he speaks decently, he has plenty of haters, he's a former athlete, and he likes to open up a can of whoop ass on people every now and then. That sounds like the ideal resume for a pro wrestler.

Brad Watkins said...

Or Mayor...."Shudder"

autoegocrat said...

That was an excellent post, Ninja. You should do more of that.

Space Ninja said...

I don't see rasslin' being in the cards for the mayor. I see the Mayor being a top competitor in the proposed Seniors Boxing Association. First, he's taking out Joe Frazier for charity...Larry Holmes for casino chips...big George Foreman for some grillz...and then perhaps the ghost of Mike Tyson.

Space Ninja said...

Thanks Auto. I would love to write more articles like that, but unfortunately my ninja missions keep me away from my blog most of the time. I'll try to get a laptop, so I can update the blog anytime whether I'm in the hills of Tibet, the snow capped peaks of Himalayans or in the backroom of BJ's Hot Wings on Winchester.

LeftWingCracker said...

You are truly a wise and noble ninja who writes well....

Bravo!

Pam said...

Too. Damn. Funny.

We should make a petition out of it, gather some signatures and send it to both Jake and Sr.

Just a thought...

polar donkey said...

Maybe Jake is an avante-garde comedian in the line of Andy Kaufman and this whole congressional candidate is just a character. Like Kaufman, maybe he has lost his ability to separate his real personality from the character.

Joe Ford, Jr. said...

Ha ha, that is funny. It would be a riot if Jake did turn out to be playing a character. It would explain a lot of things in this race.

In the Democratic primary earlier this year, I really wanted to do a wrestling angle, but we decided against it because of the potential negativity associated with it. I'll post the idea that my friends and I were going to pitch to Lawler for a wrestling/Congressional angle.